POST * SATYRE

Thank you for calling Svety's Sexy-Fun-Sex-Line. How may i arouse you?

2004-03-26T22:47:00.000-06:00

Nope

2004-03-24T17:50:00.000-06:00

I didn't like it! I don't like Uma, and i don't like revenge or dismemberment. And that stupid cheezy japanese song got on my nerves.

On another note, my friend Penny is in Monterrey Mexico, city of smog and ugliness and she's preggers - her word, not mine.
If she decides to have it there, which i hope she doesn't, i will most definetely have to grayhound it down in order to spend a few weeks with her. Pinche loca embarazada! No lo puedo creer! Te mando suerte y amor. Estoy segura que vas a ser una madre maravillosa!

View the Guestbook

2004-03-23T16:38:00.000-06:00

It aint no lie

2004-03-18T18:37:00.000-06:00

Tired of Micheal Albert's and Noam Chomsky's commentary off ZNet?
Sick of reading leftist propa from Indymidia?
Check this out!

I'm not interest in anything North of Memphis

2004-03-18T17:02:00.000-06:00

I was there once. I want to be there now.

I'm not interest

I'm not interested in litigation
In history as you are
Or in The Black Prince Friday

I'm not interested in reputations
In how big your cock is
Or in a heavy dose of thugism

2004-03-09T13:58:00.000-06:00

Une fois, j'ai eu un reve dans lequel je portais les vieux costumes flashy d'Elvis. C'etait un bon reve.

I had another dream in which i was riding around the Pointe-Claire library on a motorcycle with Gene Simmons singing " I I I want to rock and roll all niiiiiiight, and party everyday!" That was fun.

Oh! And i've made out with this guy in my dreams.

And Matthew Good. Fucking lame!

2004-03-09T13:48:00.000-06:00

I'm Sraight

2004-03-04T19:25:00.000-06:00

This is the only comic book i ever bothered to read. I loved it so much and KG probably thinks im the lamest person in the world because of this. He's a comic aficionado if you will. Me, not at all. I just liked the imagery.

2004-03-04T17:19:00.000-06:00

"Oh how i love the soft focus!"
It's thursday and i don't even feel like going out. I feel like getting all dressed up, but the idea of actually making it out to The Bifer or Ladies 80's doesn't seem so great. Maybe i'll just stay in and watch the O.C which the peeps at HQ taped for me. We need to post more pix on buzznet soon. Extra soon, because KidGod is taking the camera back in a few days and Viv's camera is sleeping.
That night started out kinda lame. We were all quiet and chatting, and then Caven made an appearance and we all went wild with joy. Cavan has that effect on people, i guess. We counted down to new years just for funnies, remember? My brother once said that Cieve somehow ressembles Adrian Brody.
I guess he does a bit, hun...especially the eye brows... Tomorow at the office, they'll announce who gets to fly to NYC in company's private jet. If i win, i get to spend two nights in a NY hotel, plus a bit of spending money, plus limo rides...oh! Please, let it be me!!!!!
And then there's another contest coming up next month for a week at a ClubMed resort. I want to win that too and drink myslef silly from morning to night on a beach. Ok, so it'll probably be anoying, consideraing all the stupid families and couples that vacation there, but i plan to make it all a blur anyway...Fingers crossed!

2004-02-27T19:07:00.000-06:00

I'm in love.

It's true. I am in love with the way that he loves me. But I love also, everything about him. He makes me a better person.
I'm getting excited about tonight. I feel as though i haven't seen The Pentagon in weeks. I can't wait to be out with them. I know that everyone's low on cash mais c'est pas grave. I wonder if the Chairman will come out with us? Ba blah blah...this is boring...I asked for a promotion. I hope i get it?!

2004-02-26T19:19:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday, The Pentagon and a few elite chosen ones piled into The Party of the Century at Corova's. Svety hadn't eaten enough. Svety took too much of something. Svety almost passed out in the crowd then puked in the street.
I ruined the night for Cieve and that was sucky.
Now, i have a zit on my forehead. In other words, this is a post for the sake of posting...more later on the subject...
Oh yes, and i have a date with Franz now! Ga!

2004-02-26T18:54:00.000-06:00

OF THE BORED
He's my brother. He's o.k.

2004-02-23T19:31:00.000-06:00

Chloe

I love her

2004-02-16T19:18:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry for the late night bad-trip. I love you Cieve.

2004-02-16T18:22:00.000-06:00

What's new Pussy Cat?

There is a contest at the office. If my department wins, we get to sit in the AirCanada loge and see this guy sing. Tom Jones, free drinks and a room full of middle aged women...it might get crazy. I hope we win! I'm so throwing my underwear at him!

2004-02-16T15:44:00.000-06:00

Sunday Funday
You make my pupils go ping!

There was a power failure last night so Skylar, Cieve and I thought it seemed like a good idea to drink sambuca and 10% beer and eat tacos and dilate our pupils...yes, i can't remember most of last night but i know i was happy and that Lenni is probably really pissed at me, with reason, i think. Was i screaming? I don't know.

2004-02-16T14:56:00.000-06:00

Friday night, Lenni was on the bus.

2004-02-10T19:23:00.000-06:00

Sausage Party!

2004-02-10T19:16:00.000-06:00

Puerto Jakarta

Let's go swimming with Giovan! We could wear those orange inflattable arm thingys so we don't sink and play Marco polo for hours.

Skylar doesn't have any body hair, but that's cuz he shaves it all !

2004-02-10T17:47:00.000-06:00

Cieve made super for me again and i think he hates me and wants me dead because he food-poisoned me. My stomach was all squirmy and yuky today and i felt nauseous and stuff and it felt like tourista.
On a brighter note...soon, The Pentagon will be able to retire y'all. It's true, the governement has now come to their sences about our greatness and will be providing us with a 1/4 of the countries' total taxes. Shala la la la! Non-stop fun is coming. Mock trials, cavan-doc, pentagon day camp, trade-school, t-shirt design, scrable and battle-ship tournaments, unlimited hamburgers and candy and drugs, permanent reserved table at the Bif, KG as a dj...etc...yip yip
Check out The Pentagon's gallery

2004-02-05T16:28:00.000-06:00

I vote for the 13 year old version of Keanu to join the Pentagon. We already have Cavan that's joined the administration, but he's been svenning us a tad bit, going back home for the past two weekends. If he keeps this up, i don't know if the Pentagon will be strong enough to resist the turmoil of his absence. Fuck Branch and fuck Toe-Thumb. Cavan is the chosen one. Oh and Fuck Josh even harder. Ugly-ass curly haired pretentious fool. Yes, so back to Keanu, i think he'd be a great candidate. I'm sure he was somewhat charming back in the day. His eyes, they seem so sincere and troubled. Maybe Lenore could deflower him, like i did with Skylar. She would plead "Fuck the shit out of me!" and then he would cry and cum in his pants. I like boners...they still fascinate me.

2004-02-05T15:46:00.000-06:00

Full profile of The Pentagon right 'ere

2004-02-03T19:14:00.000-06:00

Meskimo

Are you svening?

2004-02-03T15:56:00.000-06:00

Cieve a.k.a Milos from Latvia invited me to his place last night. Although we've been dating for more than a month now and we've spent most of that time together - 6 nights a week kinda thing - it was the first time i steped into his apartment. He made some hamburgers for diner. Some girls like flowers, some like bling. Me...i like hamburgers. Its the way to my heart. And i love him. And i like is double bed.

2004-01-31T00:49:00.000-06:00

He fucked me up. He still fucks me up. I still have nightmares about being with him again. Some of the things i hated the most about him, i know now, are part of my own personality. I react and feel the urge to do the same things he used to do to me. I find myself having the same habits and reactions and i hate it. I lash out. He'd guilt trip me, he'd rip up pictures and letters of my past. He'd hate me for what existed before him. I am the same. Once, i was so mad, so lost, so fed up...he was crying on the ground in the 211 bus booth in st-henry...I stepped back, j'ai pris mon elan, and kicked him in the ribs. I scare myself. Good yey makes my gag reflex go crazy. If i ever get married, i'll be an alcoholic and cheating wife. This i know.

2004-01-30T04:35:00.000-06:00

fuck
i'm in trouble

2004-01-29T19:41:00.000-06:00

Lenore took me out last night for a pint at The Pistol and Ryan Malcolm was there. He staired into my eyes, and my pupils dilated. I asked for an autograph and i giggled as he signed my arm. I am never washing that arm again.

2004-01-29T19:34:00.000-06:00

Back when The Pentagon wasn't The Pentagon and Skylar and Cieve were not yet Skylar and Cieve, Lenore and I went over to their apartment in St-Henry for a Ninja Party they were putting on. It looked a lot like this, but just not as fun. That same day, Cieve got dumped by his 4 year girlfriend so he had spent the whole day crying and being sad, and Skylar spent 2 hours puking in the bathroom. And the worst thing is that Lenore and I were the only guests to show up. It was so awkward, sitting there the four of us, dressed as ninja's, drinking forties. Thank god Cieve is a big talker. He just rambled the whole night, which permitted us to focus on him and get our minds off the embarassing social situation we found ourselves in.

2004-01-28T17:20:00.000-06:00

I'm considering quitting this job. I've only been in the travel business for 5 months now, and i'm already so sick of it. I don't want to be a travel agent anymore. Now I want to be a flight attendant. That is what i'll do. I'm sending out my CV's starting next week. Fuck this office bullshit. I can't stand starring at this screen anymore, looking up flight availibily, and faxing out itineraries. I'm starting to feel my brain melting from the alienating boredom. I want to walk around the airport with my little rolly-suitcase and wear that ugly skirt and shirt with the stupid scarf around my neck. I want to advise passengers to stay seated fro there is turbulence coming up...and i want to stay in hotels for free and eat yuky airplane food that i secretely love so much...

I would look fabulous in this outfit!

2004-01-27T18:44:00.000-06:00

undie heaven

oh god this is precious
I know that it's awful to make fun of people because of what they were like when they were teenagers, but let's make an exeption for these guys, alright? That part about vibing in montreal and smoking a cigarette is so funny, it hurts!

2004-01-27T15:39:00.000-06:00

Humidor Nostalgia

Oh Meredith...

2004-01-26T20:01:00.000-06:00

J'ai tellement une forte ambitions des fois de ne plus jamais me laisser aller..."Dorénavant, je choisis le droit chemin. Cette semaine je ne fais pas la conne. Aujourd'hui, je ne boirai pas comme une défoncée. Non, je ne fumerai pas une cigarette pour me changer les idées. Demain, je fais le ménage, de ma chambre, de ma tête. Je me leverai tôt, je prendrai mes vitamines, je lirai un bon livre, je marcherai au travail, je cuisinerai ma propre bouffe. Je ne serai pas une personne jalouse. Fini la colere, fini l'angoisse. Je suis re-née.
Non! WHy? Because the only thing i want to do is drink two forties and hit the yey. Yeh Skylar, that's addiction. And i've got 40 som' dollars to my name for the next two weeks. How am i going to get through this. I despise Siv when he talks about his debaucheries, but that's just because i want to sink in so far as well. I want to get lost, and i want to get fucked. Jesus, This sounds like Go ask Alice...fuck this shit

2004-01-26T15:15:00.000-06:00

Idées de grandeur

C'est une de ces journées, quand tout bouillonne a l'interieur, tout migotte, tout semble vouloir exlposer. Mais le sentiment en est tellement puissant qu'il paralyse. C'est un peu étrange car je suis tout sauf calme, mais mon apparence en prouve le contraire. En sortant du metro, j'ai faillie basculer par en avant. Un itinerant dormait sur le plancher au milieu du bruillant va-et-vient de la ville et c'en était trop pour moi. Je me suis pliée en deux, me serrant le ventre dans les bras, dans un effort de ne pas vomir. J'ai soudainement ressentie ce malaise insoutenable, celui qui empêche a chacun qui s'en approprie, le pouvoir de respirer ou meme de bouger. Je ne ressens que cette lourdeure qui suffoque, né de mon innactivité.
Je suis sans cesse tiraillé par cette dicotomie qui m'habite. Et le fait de choisir entre ces deux realités me semble si impossible, que je finis souvent par ne rien choisir du tout, et de simplememnt baigner dans l'oisivité.
Stagnante et saturée.

2004-01-21T17:33:00.000-06:00

I've been a disaster these past few days. I've been crazy teary and aggravated by everyone, including myself. Especially myself though. I wish it was ok to hit some cocaine at 5 pm on a Wednesday. Here i am drinking some tea when i really wish i could be chucking a bottle of whiskey. I would puke my guts out, and somehow that would feel really good. I hate the fact that i get really upset when Siv talks about girls he's been with in the past. I hate that im such a jealous person, and since i am ashamed of these feelings, i usually never say anything to that effect and instead, a burning feeling takes over. Feels just like a fever. I got real fucked up last night. I was drunk and so high that i couldn't think straight. We were sorta playing in bed when he started talking about this girl he had slept with once. I couldn't help but get mad. I told him: " Tip number 1 Siv...Don't talk about past sex experiences when a girl is playing with your dick."
I don't think he was pleased with my reaction. He got up, saying he had to catch his bus and said " I'm sorry i wasn't a virgin when i met you"
Fuck, fuck fuck. I used to say that all the time to FuckFace whenever he'd get jealous and frustrated. The thing is that i can totally rationalize the whole thing. I know that the fact that Siv is attracted to other people doesn't take anything away from how he feels for me. I know this because i have flashes of sex episodes with past lovers and/or imaginary ones many times a day, which doesn't ever change the way i feel about him. I know this, yet cannot stop feeling awful when these stories are brought up by him. I don't know how to change this about myself. I have no clue how. And right now, i hate myself for it. I don't want him to love me right now. I don't want him to call, or come over. I just want to figure this out on my own and see him when i'm a better person.
I went to the doctors again today and she prescribed some more antibiotics. Ten days worth. That means that i shouldn't drink for that period of time. Damn. I wish it wasn't so hard. I wish that ten days without alcohol seemed possible, but it's not. I feel fucking disgusting. My condition still hasn't been determined but my doctor says she's been seeing it more and more these days. She thinks that i might have caught something in Mexico, but i doubt that strongly. I don't want to see Siv for awhile. I'm really unhappy with myself and don't want to transmit this feeling onto him. I'm apparently supposed to be the rock in this relationship. I always try really hard to never bad-trip because i know how sensitive he is. But it really pisses me off sometimes that he can be depressed and cry all he wants and that i am always there to pick up the pieces, and i feel as though i can't even allow myself to be sad or upset because he can't deal with my mood swings. It's strenuous to always smile and act jovial. We've talked about this already, but he said that that's just the way he is...he can't deal, and that's that...and then he cried. Voila, c'est ca qui est ca, end of story. Hmm, i wonder if that'll be the reason for the end of our story, if that's what's going to exhaust me to death, and brings us to our downfall.

2004-01-15T17:44:00.000-06:00

Skyler sucks my ass. He posted up some 90210 paraphernalia on his blog, and for the last 3 hours, i've had the theme song running through my mind. This is a picture of Skylar.He's a big fan of Television. He watches over 20 hours of televison everyday. He knows more about Hollywood than E.T veteran John Tesh himself. He's very knowledgeable about stuff. A few years ago, Skylar and I sometimes would hang out at Clydes together. See, his older sister and my older brother are good friends, and sometimes, they would invite us to hang out with them. We were shy most of the time, and i thought he was a bit of a geek because of his braces but then we were like, " Younger siblings unite!!!!" and talk about funny stuff. And then one day we became cooler than our older respective sibling and decided to be friends for real. And then one day, we were in a cab at 5 in the morning, going down to St-Henry, and i kissed him. And then he said that making out was gross. Now he sleeps with Viv.

2004-01-14T17:31:00.000-06:00

Lenore drives me crazy. She posted about how she's had new revelations about why she feels she's pulling away from the Pentagon, as well as why she's been feeling so much tension between Siv and herself, but she won't elaborate on the subject. She just throws it all up in the air, and expects everyone to sit still and not care. Fuck, Lenore, you know how we all get...you know that we are obsessers, you know that we'll run that post over and over in our heads until we've ripped it all apart into a million stupid scattered pieces, and try to put it all back together somehow. But we'll get it all wrong, and we'll mistake the a) for the x) and think that it makes sense. You will be misunderstood, i'm sorry. I wish i could make it all more comfortable for you, but i truly don't know how.
And now Siv got all twitchy over the whole matter and will be scared every time he looks in your direction...but that's his own paranoid fault.
Fuck, this isn't high school...just say what you've got on your mind, and we'll all calm the fuck down and just enjoy eachother's presence and have fun.

2004-01-13T19:32:00.000-06:00

Ok, sorry for the huge-ass photo of jenny...i just got carried away with that song in my head...the fact that i changed my blog's address got me going...i feel reborn...i started feeling that i needed to censor myself ever since the Pentagon started reading this thing.
Siv and I got high last night and spoke franticly...we were talking fast and laughing, arms in the air, getting increasingly excited as conversations sped by. We were so enthused by eachothers presence that we couldn't sit still. Ramble, ramble, ramble...Shaking from the frenzy, he said "I'm so in love with you" and then we laughed about it. We've spent every single night together for the past 2 weeks, never getting enough of eachother, but i'm sacred of excessing. But oh well!

2004-01-13T19:05:00.000-06:00

Yesssss! High five to Lenore!
Don't get fooled by the rocks that i got,
im still, im still Svety from the block...

2004-01-05T14:18:00.000-06:00

I can't believe you pathetic paranoids thought that my last post was for real. You know how much i charish the pentagon. Ok, so it sucks that you found my blog, and now i won't post here anymore, but that's ok. Can't you just trust our love for you??? The side bars are never about you. Stop all the worrying!

2003-12-31T16:25:00.000-06:00

I take it all back. Fuck the pentagon. I wish i could go back to the wonderful and peaceful triangle days. I just can't stand Siv and Skyler anymore. I know Viv, Lenore and I are incredible to hang out with, but jeez! back off a bit. Just once in a while i'd like some goddamned peace and quiet in the 4110 head quarters. Everything about them irritates me now. The chain smoking, the incessant bable, the outbursts of absurdity...
Oh! and the reading of my blog! It must all stop!

2003-12-30T15:16:00.000-06:00

Kaboom!

Aurore,
How could you?! It pains me to know that you've deleted yourself from the face of the interweb. It is tragic, and i can't understand why you would do such a thing. Aurore, the bloggers need you. Will you consider starting a new one? Or are you done with it all?

2003-12-29T20:09:00.000-06:00

You know, to tell you the truth, i don't know how well i will do with this. I don't know if i can do this at all. I love the idea. It makes more sense. But the thought of you with another girl makes me feel like my insides are burning. The thought is nauseating. Burning and nauseating. But i didn't say i won't try. Just don't let me know. I don't want to know. I musn't know.
You cried on saturday. You cried so much i couldn't keep up. But through the tears you managed to promise you'll be ok soon. But you know as well as i, that soon is not around the corner. And I know you're scared that i won't stick it out because you feel that no one else ever has. But i'm here now. And that's what counts. But i will admit: All of it, all of You scares me. Terrifies me actually. But i won't let go. Not yet, not now. Because your fears and your anguish make you a better person. The sole fact that you are beat, the fact that you cry all these tears, and feel so much pain and sadness for this world, proves to me that you are worth it. And you can bable for hours, and i will always listen. Even during your coke induced bad-trips, when you think faster than you talk, and you talk faster than i can understand, i will listen. I know that there will be many more tears to come. But at least i know that you'll never make me cry like the last one did. You treat me like a princess. And you are NOt an egomaniac. But i also know that you might not want to get better. You see, what scares me the most is that i will always try to be enough. I'll try to make it all better, try to make you so happy, and i'll get tired. I'll try and try and try until i get exhausted. And when i get to that point and i am forced to let go, you'll have something to write about. And i will realize that i was pretentious to think that i was more important to you then your writing.

2003-12-29T14:15:00.000-06:00

"You know, I give you everything i've got for a little piece of mind...Although i'm so tired, i'll have another cigarette"

Christmas with my extended family was a bit of a drag. Surprisingly, the best part of it all, was midnight mass. Everyone was drunk and acting completely inappropriately. We all just laughed our way through it and tried to sing louder than the choir and that was fun. And then the fun died down, and 24 hours later, i wanted to kill everyone, and missed the city so bad. The pentagon was reunited on the night of the 26 and it was spectacular. Aurore was there too. We went to The Underground for more good times. I kissed Siv in public for the first time. He said "thank you". Ludo was there too and he bought me beers all night, which i would share with Siv. At one point, as i was running around upstairs, Ludo grabbed me and pulled me into the elevator to kiss me. And i let him. Ludo is an idiot. He's a raging alcoholic, and never says anything remotely intelligent or interesting, but i like his lips. I'm such a sucker.

Siv and I went back home and as we were kissing in bed, i was thinking about the kissing with Ludo, and felt bad and guilty and i wanted to let Siv know that he's so much more to me than just a friend and a fuck, so i told him that i sorta wanted it to be exclusive between him and I. And to my surprise, Siv replied that he couldn't do that. I was shocked, and hurt, so i cried. I felt like a jack-ass. I felt jipped. I suddenly wanted him out of my bed. I told him that he couldn't call me sweety, that he couldn't hold my hand, because now it felt like complete bullshit, like an act. Like, "let's just pretend to really like each other so it doesn't feel awkward to sleep together all the time."
Then Siv started crying, a lot. I asked him why and he said that if he told me, he would have to leave. I was scared of what it was, but needed to hear it.
I held my breath as he whispered that he was in love with me.
I sighed in relief and told him there was no way i would let him leave. I held him tightly, and didn't want to let go. I was confused but overwhelmed with joy.
He gives me love but not monogamy. Ok, ok.

*******

He left a bunch of his poems on my computer desktop. I've been delaying reading them, fearing i would not like his stuff, or that i wouldn't get it. I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but i realised that i am a fan of his. He's a brilliant writter, and i am so happy that i like what and how he writes. It's a bit of a relief.

2003-12-23T15:55:00.000-06:00

(for Svety, I don’t know if you recall asking me, or my almost answer, but I just remembered the root of visceral. Latin: Viscera, which means literally something like guts or intestines, so visceral is like physical but far more basic and essential, something you can feel in your stomach I guess.)
*Siv*

2003-12-22T14:58:00.000-06:00

What follows, is something i wrote last night:
***
Its 1 in the morning and i can't sleep even though i only slept 3 1/2 hours last night. On saturday night, Lenore, Siv, Skyler and I went to The Union as usual and hit The underground at 3. Many beers, a bit of yey and a lot of talk with my 3 favorite people filled my heart with love. I get overwhelmed sometimes about how much i care for these people. I really don't feel like hanging out with anyone else then them. Nobody compares.
Siv and I went to bed around 7 and then i had a panic attack. It all started when it occurred to me that maybe i don't want to sleep with anyone else than him. He's been sleeping in my bed for weeks now, and it was always really casual, but in the past few days, we've gotten a lot closer, and i'm starting to feel things for him. And so i panicked. I couldn't breath and became increasingly nervous. He was great. He held me so tight and kept saying "it's ok sweetie, it's ok..." and i couldn't tell him what i was thinking about and he held my hand and kissed me repeatedly on my forehead. It broke my heart.
But the idea of making it serious with this guy scares the living shit out of me. One, because he's the most anguished person i know. He's always really nervous and sad and the way he explains it, it just sounds exactly how my brother used to be. They share such similar personalities, its scary. Even his childhood stories are the same... Hum...i don't think i'll tell him anything for awhile. The way it is right now is really great and fun and less stressful then if we made it into something official. He treats me like a princess and makes me laugh and that's all i really need.
********************************************
I just received an e-mail from Lars, the one from La Loge Noir and here it is:

"permiscuous thoughts embedded in my loins waiting for the eternal moment as it whispers across the sole lobes of passion that i so wish for to hear i want you it says can you hear it?Expressing everything possible in one tiny gesture wanting to get deeper and deeper inside until the state of euphoric pleasure is met and the bond of two becoming one is nothing except just that"

Whoa! It's a bit gross. I mean, it's always flattering to know that someone is obsessed with you, but um...i don't get it. As i mentioned before, he knows nothing about me, so either he's totally desperate for a girlfriend because he hasn't had one in forever, or he just wants to keep sleeping with me, which won't happen.
It's funny, because this guy is an older, buffer version of Siv. He's got the beard,and the hair, the small features, the blue eyes. Well, well, well.

I wish i could chill tonight, but it's Viv's birthday so we must all go to The Union again. It'll be fun though, so i don't know what i'm complaining about. Happy birthday Viv. I love you!

2003-12-22T14:41:00.000-06:00

mail order me
C049 - SVETLANA
Profile ID:
C049

Name:
Svetlana

Location:
Yoshkar-Ola, Russia

Age:
36

Date of Birth:
12/25/1966

Height:
160 cm, 5',2"

Weight:
54 kg, 119 lbs.

Eye Color:
Green

Hair Color:
Brown

Education:
College

Occupation:
Shop Assistant

Marital Status:
Single

Children/Ages:
son 15 yo

Want More Children:
Yes

Do You Smoke:
No

Do You Drink:
No

Language's: Russian - fluent
English - basic
Other - ukranian

My Character:
I am honest, straightforward, open-minded, sincere, I like nature, garden, sport, music and sea.

My Hobbies or Interest:

I like riding a bicycle. I've got a kitten and love him very much :).

2003-12-19T18:25:00.000-06:00

!F is for Funnies

Lenore is so tragic sometimes. It's true. She is too picky, i am too easy. And that's really the extent of it. Yep. I slept over at La Loge last night under very strange circumstances, and this morning as i was leaving, my "host" pleaded for me to please, please call him this time. I told him i wouldn't. Is that harsh? He seems to really be interested in me, which is weird, since he really knows nothing about me, and plus, every time i talk with him, i bring up the fact that he's a pretentious fuck. Funny how some people enjoy getting insulted. It's weird how i've totally traded my love obsession for a sexual one. It's really strange, because i had never considered myself as a sexual person before, and now that's all i ever think about...i'm like an 18 year old boy.
Ben says that i look just like the girl in a french movie he saw recently, called "Romance". She's a nympho and the only guy she really wants to sleep with won't sleep with her. It's a bit funny he would say that, because that's a bit how i feel about him.

Work has been really good to me today. I'm super tired, and there is just enough work to keep me from passing out, but not enough to drive me crazy. Notice how i am doing this instead of booking flights!

2003-12-17T17:45:00.000-06:00

I'm in love with rock and roll, and i'll be up all night

The holiday season makes me feel extremely nostalgic. About 4 years ago, my first love saga started around Christmas time, and every year, when it starts snowing, i can't help but feel as though i am in love again. I can honestly say that i am happy and content about my being single, but whenever there are family functions to attend, or any holiday festivities, i get all mushy inside, and wish i had someone to hold hands with, someone to hug and cuddle with. Hopefully, these feelings will go away, once the whole holiday fiasco is over and done with.
Yesterday, i called my previously mentioned ex, and we are meeting tonight for a few beers. I can't wait to see him and hug him. He generally makes me feel amazing. To this day, i've never met anyone who can make me feel so comfortable and at ease. I wonder if i ever will.

2003-12-15T18:48:00.000-06:00

There is something about laying naked in bed with someone, that makes life calmer. That vulnerability and intimicy somehow adds softness to the world, brings us ease and comfort.

2003-12-11T14:28:00.000-06:00

Mika

I think i could love him

It's almost over now

2003-12-11T14:26:00.000-06:00

It's almost over now

I was about to post about how awful last night was, but decided against it, and decided also that it would be best not to. To be honest, i really don't know why i am so upset. I always assume that i've got myself all figured out, but the truth is, i have absolutely no clue why i feel such a way or another.

2003-12-10T15:12:00.000-06:00

The weekend starts on Wednesdays now..didnt you know?

Russian ambition says:
dancing is fun...my friend Skyler, he did not dance before...never ever, like...and then one day...he did, and he dances good...he didn't even practice at home alone in front of the mirror or anything...it was really like..."I don't dance ever"...and then...BOOM..."Now i dance this mess around, and i shake it like a polaroid picture!"
Crazy!

2003-12-09T17:38:00.000-06:00

San Cris Bliss

I had very strong memories today, regarding my time is san cris. I remember feeling miserable during most of that time, not unlike the feeling i am experiencing today. I remember it being unbearable to make it out of the house without music blaring in my ears. I was so sick of the noises of this city, of the awfully sexist comments i would incessantly overhear, of the way i was looked at. I never hated being a woman as much as during my time there. I started despising everyone i met, and became incredibly cynically. I was also involved in the worst relationship of my life at that time, and my feelings towards this relationship are undoubtedly linked to my feeling about this city. I cannot disassociate the two. The happiest i've been was the time spent in the streets of san cris with my partner in crime Penelope Kenny, my life line for those many months. We ran around Santo Domingo market with the drunken artesanos, sold jewelry and her home made pizza. We slowly started gaining respect from the indigenous of the main plaza, who were themselves, selling and bargaining with the tourists. In their eyes, we were no longer pure gringo wallets, since we were in the streets, sharing the same occupation as them.
One thing i could never get over was my boyfriends obsession with crack cocaine. And as a white suburban girl, i always assumed that crack only existed in the dark dirty alleys of new york city. The first time i saw him consuming was in his bedroom with El Chino and his parents were right next door in the living room. I couldn't believe it. And then it happened time and time again, with other friends of his. Once even, in his little sisters room. I realized that crack is so accessible and affordable, that all the kids were doing it. And it was always so casual as well, which is something i never could understand. They'd haul-ass to the mountains, to the indigenous communities, buy a few rocks, buy a few beer cans, smoke for a few hours, and then crawl around on the floor for a few more, incessantly searching for more, hallucinating that every single piece of dust might just be another piece of rock. To this day there is nothing that makes me sicker, than the smell of cocaine burning.

2003-12-09T16:08:00.000-06:00

I'm in a pretty bad mood today. I am at work, and don't feel like dealing with anyone. I wish i was alone. And i am sick again. Well, not again, just perpetually sick. But no pity here, i do it to myself. My immune system is fucked, because i treat it like shit. It wasn't super cold today and it was so nice to walk to work. I took all the alleys instead of the streets, and i was listening to great music. I wished i could just keep on walking all day. There was tones of sunshine and i was blinded by it, which is something i adore. My vision was blurred, and my thoughts were as well since i am high again on cold medicine. It's funny how Daytime Tylenol cold tablets feel a lot like ritalin when combined with a fair amount of caffeine. I just want to walk forever.

2003-12-04T17:13:00.000-06:00

Thursday night fever

It's thursday again folks...you know what that means?!?
It's time to get down and shake what yo mama gave you!

2003-12-03T16:00:00.000-06:00

All shook up

It makes so much sense that the rich and famous become total fuck ups. If i was loaded, i'd drink red wine for breakfast, have a line of coke for lunch and some valium for dinner. Why would i have to worry about drinking too much if money wasn't an issue, and if hangovers meant nothing since i would never need to get up early the next morning.

2003-12-03T15:33:00.000-06:00

you have my soul
Murray has the most wonderful voice in the whole world...its like...everyone knows he's a total asshole and a pretentious fuck, but he is still so touching, and makes you sigh...they are true fearless leaders...they are tight as hell and they make you wanna smile and hold hands with strangers and cry and all that sentimental stuff...whoah!

2003-12-02T19:39:00.000-06:00

Existentialism is so passe. This is where the meaning of life resides. It's so simple and touching, it makes my eyes water.

2003-12-02T17:19:00.000-06:00

No you're dirty!

2003-12-02T14:47:00.000-06:00

Hail the Queen of Repression!

This is my best friend. Her name is Lenore. Lenore loves. Especially around midnight. That is when she loves the most. Sometimes, Lenore lets me sleep in her bed. Before, i didn't like to cuddle, but Lenore forced me to, using techniques such as the pavlov dog tactic. It was a long hard process, but now i practice cuddling all the time. Lenore is pretty and smells good most of the time. Last night, her feet stank, but i loved her all the same. Lenore is hella-sexy therefore, most guys wished they were doin' her instead of the girls they are actually doin'. It is a shame that guys act like such pussies around her because if they were more up front, they could do her too and everyone would be happier because she has a high libido. Lenore has great expressions, like " i did it just for funnies!".
Long live the Queen of repression!

2003-11-28T17:48:00.000-06:00

Last night, i went to a gay bar, and the dyke in me came out full force. I suddenly wanted to kiss all the girls there. I wonder if it was just the power of suggestion at work, or if my mind simply allowed these thoughts to circulate because they Could in such an environment? Am i bi? What the fuck?!

beautiful isn't it?

2003-11-28T17:27:00.000-06:00

LOS ALAMOS

2003-11-28T16:33:00.000-06:00

Theoretical Transmitting

This guy is a spy, and was involved in the manhattan project fiasco!

Mystery man
Hall worried that an American monopoly of nuclear weapons endangered the world, in a post-war world beset by economic and ideological problems. In 1944 the then 19 year old Harvard physics student believed in helping the Soviet Union, an ally at the time-an ally who fought the Nazis at tremendous human costs, and may, he believed, have saved the Allies from defeat. 'Mlad' felt his bold self-started action, taking information from the Los Alamos lab where he was a youngster privileged to work may have well prevented a third world war, a nuclear holocaust.

2003-11-27T17:50:00.000-06:00

I will not sing!

I still haven't build up the courage to write back to my friend, who publicly (e-mail-wise) announced how much he despises me. I really can't start to comprehend where all this anger and hatred comes from, after my friends and i have let him stay with us for a month and a half...Ungrateful wanker!
You're the piece of meat, you incompetent fuck!

2003-11-27T15:13:00.000-06:00

Friday i'm in love

These guys are playing at Liam's loft, apperently newly baptised La Loge , on friday night. And what's his face from the Dears is playing a set too! yip yip!

2003-11-26T14:46:00.000-06:00

Dance this mess around
Think it over, think it over
Roll it over in your mind

Why don't you dance with me
I'm not no Limburger
Everybody goes to parties
They dance this mess around
They do the Shu-ga-loo
Do the Shy Tuna
Do the Camel Walk
Do the Hip-o-crit
It's time to do 'em right
Hey! Fred, now don't that make you feel a whole lot better now?
Huh?

Say, don't that make you feel a whole lot better?

2003-11-25T14:48:00.000-06:00

I just recieved a long FUCK YOU! of an email from a very good friend and i feel sick to my stomach.

2003-11-21T18:57:00.000-06:00

FEMINISM
- You're so full of emotions
- Always
- Doesn't that make you feel vulnerable?
- Yes, but there's nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable.

Precious, no?

2003-11-20T17:18:00.000-06:00

Dimov scares me. Whenever he speaks to me, my mind goes blank and i am unable to come up with anything remotely intelligent to say. He is not incredibly beautiful, nor is he brilliantly funny, yet he intimidates the hell out of me and without fail, i always feel like a retard around him and inevitably blurt out how awkward I feel. Its the way he looks at me. the way he lowers his eyes. It drives me crazy.

2003-11-20T16:00:00.000-06:00

Professor Yegorov and my uncle made sure everything was slow and clear.
Thank god!

2003-11-17T20:00:00.000-06:00

I just had a wicked weekend. Went to The Union 5 nights in a row, and GOrdy and Siv were there as often as well, and they are true life-savers to me. They make me feel like i'm 16 again, make me want to run around being rowdy and laughing and never stop partying and get in trouble and such. I have the biggest crushes on them when i see them skate.

2003-11-14T19:39:00.000-06:00

2003-11-14T14:49:00.000-06:00

I think i'm ovulating because i'm feeling so randy. I want to have dirty hard sex tonight.

2003-11-14T14:40:00.000-06:00

2003-11-13T18:52:00.000-06:00

Ukly

2003-11-13T14:15:00.000-06:00

2003-11-08T03:19:00.000-06:00

i was bummed. feeling down...and then i saw him. He's been starring at me from accross the bar for months now.No but litterally! I always brushed it off, thinking he was a pussy for never coming over. I had seen him last sunday afternoon in the street. We pretended not to care, until i turned on my street and we both looked back at the same time. I then decided he would be my boyfriend and that next time i saw him, i would make my move. It was three, and was tired and refused to go home feeling lonely again, so i went over to ask his name, once and for all, and it seemed so sacred,and familiar all at the same time
His name is Ioakim - god will establish - mine is Svetlana and we've broken the seal.
yes!
i love him

2003-11-07T19:18:00.000-06:00

i am an office worm. i have a nine to five job. i book flights, i call airlines, i fax itineraries, put people on hold, chat with co-workers in front of the coffee machine, and i love the whole bit. i always swore i would never work in an office, and here i am doing over-time with a smile on my face...oh my! what's happened to me...

2003-11-07T17:35:00.000-06:00

i am 21, i am a travel agent
Arlov used to be my office buddy but he hasn't come in since last saturday, and now i might never see him again, unless i run into him at a bar or something, but i doubt it. Summer is over, and the leaves are yellow now and that's nice. I don't want any booty anymore...sex was so a-month-and-a-half ago! Now i want to kiss and be held. I want to find someone to stroke my hair and look into my eyes and sigh and kiss me forever.
I fall in love constantly. I wish boys would fall in love with me as much as i do. I'm so easy. I'm such a love-slut.